The Thinking Drinking Man Opens A Bank Account

Brooks and I headed out to the Commonwealth Bank this morning to open a bank account. We had to wait in line at the information center for a few minutes, and then a young lady and a young man came up and took us to the Customer Studio, Brooks with the man, David, and I with the lady, Emily. Emily was extremely helpful and I had everything taken care of within a matter of minutes. Brooks took a little longer cause he had to cash a bunch of travelers checks; the currency his parents convinced him he needed, yet only the bank would take them so he had been living off of me for the past two days, but no hard feelings, I knew he was good for it.

As I sat in a chair in the lobby, extremely uncomfortable because it was obviously made for someone probably half my size, some commotion at the currency exchange desk caught my eye. Brooks was sitting in line with David waiting to cash his traveler’s checks, and these two rough looking characters had just showed up. Rugged blue jeans, tattered jackets, mangy hair, and some crazy looking sea serpent tats running up their necks, but one look at their faces and you could tell they posed no threat to society, they were just a little cracked out on something.
They younger individual made his introduction by walking through the lobby of the bank and tipping over all the signs. David attempted to stop the commotion only to be scorned, “What the hell mate! No need to go crazy, just checking the signs to see if they are too top heavy. Don’t want anyone getting hurt”. The seriousness of the hobos response caught David by surprise, as if this nut job actually believed that the 2 foot wide by 4 foot high “Commonwealth Bank: Banking Made Easy” sign posed a real threat to all the innocent bankers. David, being completely caught of guard, took a step back, as if he now believed he was in imminent danger and Brooks, within arms reach of the commotion, innocently watched on, taking as much pleasure from the arising events as I was.

The older character then stepped in after the little confrontation and muttered something that only his deranged friend could understand. Then the younger fella, feeling he had completed his duty of checking the banks lobby signs for extreme danger, quickly shimmied to his pack, and within seconds of rummaging around, he became panicky and shouted, “Someone stole my bum bum” at the top of his lungs, catching everyone’s attention. He soon raced off towards the banks entrance, quickly followed by his pal.

Several minutes passed by and I thought the two lunatics were done parading around and had left to reek havoc amongst civilized society somewhere else. I was wrong Soon after, the older guy come careening through the lobby, jumped over a large fern, and tore off in the other direction, with David and security right on his tail.

By now, Brooks had cashed his traveler’s checks, and for fear of being tackled by a deranged Auzzie running like crazy as if being chased by some demon, we decided to head back to the Hostel. As we entered the main lobby, the younger crack head was in a panic, tearing his pack apart looking for this “Bum Bum”, and spilling sparkling purple and green condoms all over the floor.