The Thinking Drinking Man Goes Wicked

A Wicked Camper is one of the coolest things on the road. We rented ours for our end of the semester fourteen day excursion through the Outback and I can attest, without it, the trip would not have been the same. We knew we had to roll in style so we got the upgraded version. What does that come with? Not much. An air conditioner that did not work, a bench seat in the front wide enough for two small midgets, and a 125 hp 5 speed inline 4 that red lined at 3800 rpm's, making it necessary to switch into 2nd gear at a whoppin 9 mph. Needless to say, it took us a little while to get used to the King. And why am I referring to our 1981 Mazda van as a King? Because like all Wicked campers, they come with a unique paint job, and ours happened to be none other than the King himseld, Elvis Presley. So what if 5th gear maxxed out at 58 mph's, we had the King, and we sure as hell were rockin down the highway.

So a Wicked Camper is by no means a speed demon, who cares? Road trips are meant to be relaxing. So how about functionality. That's a big word, it must be important. A built in bed with a sink, grill, and plenty of storage underneath. Sounds pretty functional to me. A Wicked has everything. Our back seat, which tuned into the permanent napping grounds, was three small rectangular mattresses laid across a bunch of wood storage bins. In those storage bins is where we kept all of our clothes and food. It was not until three days after we left Adelaide that we realized we should not keep any food in the bin right above the engine. All of our potatoes turned into a wet mush that slowly snuck its way towards the back of the van and into our suitcases. You can imagine that finding your clothes covered in hot, sticky potato juice is not a good experience.

Next to that, the only issue I personally had with the Wicked's layout was the size of the bed. My 6'3" frame was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. The only place I could stretch out was on the roof of the van. The first night I was awoken at 5:3o am by a group of pidgeons that had decided to rest on my face. Pidgeons have surprisingly sharp claws. The second night, I decided not to be a Thinking Drinking Man, and had a few too many, resulting in some serious issues when I tried to get on top of the van. I was forced to sleep on a nearby picknic table. By night three, I had figured it out and was good to go.

We have covered appearance, we have covered functionality, lets talk reliability. On our longest stretch, from Alice Springs to Brisbane, the only thing between the two cities, which is all of 2,537 km, is the location where Spielberg got his idea to do Jurassic Park. I would tell you the name of the town, but it was a major let down and I can't remember. Needless to say, for that 2,537 kn stretch, we had the Wicked running for a solid 48 hours, only turning the King off the fuel him up. That is pretty impressive. Over the entire trip, covering nearly 7,500 kilometers, the only problem we had was in 125 degree heat near Uluru (Ayer'sRock) when our van over heated.

All in all, every person needs to experience a Wicked Camper. From the King posting up on the outside, to a mini hobbit home put on 4 wheels with a Scooby Doo interior on the inside, my Wicked Camper experience was amazing and if given the chance, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Thinking Drinking Man Lessons.

1. Do not drink to much if you are sleeping on top of a van. 6 feet is a hell of a long way to fall.